Helping Children Manage Big Feelings: I Notice, I Feel, I Can

Families juggle many responsibilities each day, and it’s normal for emotions—big and small

—to build up along the way. Taking a few moments to pause and reflect can help both adults and children better understand what they’re feeling and find healthy ways to cope. The simple three-step practice I Notice, I Feel, I Can gives families a shared language and routine for navigating emotions together.

This approach is easy to learn, flexible for different ages, and helpful for both children and adults. You can practice one step at a time or use all three together when emotions feel overwhelming.

Step 1: I Notice…

Pause and pay attention to the body.

Before naming feelings, it can help to notice what’s happening in the body. Encourage your child—and yourself—to slow down and observe physical sensations.

You might try:

• Placing one hand on the heart and one on the belly to notice breathing and heartbeat

• Asking gentle questions like, “Does your tummy feel tight or relaxed?” or “Do your shoulders feel heavy or loose?”

• Looking in a mirror together and noticing facial expressions or body posture
  

These moments help children learn that feelings often show up in the body first.

Step 2: I Feel…

Name the feeling using words.

Putting words to emotions helps children understand themselves and communicate with others. Building a feelings vocabulary takes time, and there’s no “right” answer.

You can support this by:

• Talking about feelings during books, shows, or daily moments

• Naming what you observe: “I see your hands are tight and your eyebrows are down. It looks like you might be feeling frustrted.”

• Letting children know it’s okay to feel more than one emotion at a time

• Reassuring them that feelings come and go

  
  

Naming emotions helps children feel seen, understood, and supported.

Step 3: I Can…

Choose something that helps.

Once a feeling is noticed and named, the next step is choosing a way to cope. Different strategies work for different children—and even for the same child at different times.

Some ideas families can try:

• Moving the body by dancing, running, or stretching

• Taking slow, deep breaths together

• Asking for a hug or holding hands

• Drawing, coloring, or doodling feelings

• Talking with a trusted adult about what’s going on
  

The goal isn’t to make feelings disappear, but to help children learn safe and healthy ways to move through them.

Practicing Together

As your family becomes more comfortable, try using all three steps together:“I notice… I feel… I can…”

This shared practice helps children build emotional awareness, confidence, and coping skills—and reminds adults to be gentle with themselves, too. Emotional learning is a process, and every small moment of reflection helps strengthen connection and well-being within the family.